There's something wrong with the Chinese Zodiac

Earlier this morning I discovered I had no money in my wallet, not really a shock to me, but knowing that I needed money today, I went into some money that I put away. This money was from Chinese New Year, all thirty dollars of it. I don't like spending it, it feels funny to me that parents and relatives give me money at my age. But never the less, the money is welcome when your starving in front of a computer screen, fingers barely have the strength to push down the keys.

The envelopes are not the only thing peculiar about the whole New Year thing. I also find the order of Zodiac animals funny.

The story I was told of how the order was found is that the animals had a race. Which ever animal who finished first would be first, second is second, and so on. The order the Chinese Zodiac animals finish as follows:

Rat
Ox
Tiger
Rabbit
Dragon
Snake
Horse
Ram
Monkey
Rooster
Dog
Pig

There are many things I find unbelievable in this order.

Firstly, how the rat finished ahead of the ox. The story goes that the rat climbed on the ox's head and the rat claimed victory and it crossed before the ox. Have you even seen an ox's head? It's pretty much like a cows, they have a snout that leads its body. For the rat to place in first it must have been not just on the head, but on the nose of the ox. When on the nose of the ox, the rat would have been in complete view from the eyes of the ox. Not only that, but the ox is not that stubborn not to notice a rat on top of it. (full disclosure: I am an ox)

Secondly, the complete order of finishers is unbelievable.
A snake ahead of a horse? Horses trample snakes in the wild.
A rooster before the dog? There is no way a rooster, who can fly well because on its bodyweight, and can't run well because of aerodynamic drag from its feathers, finishes before a sprinting dog with four legs. The rooster is probably the slowest animal here
I have yet to see evidence that an Ox is indeed the fastest animal. I would think that a horse or a tiger could easily catch it. Maybe in an endurance race could the ox even have a chance at winning.


Here is my realistic order of Zodiac animals:
Horse
Tiger
Ram
Ox
Rabbit
Dog
Rat
Dragon (Chinese dragons aren't fast I saw one in Chinatown of all places)
Monkey
Pig
Snake
Rooster

I would also like to see the Chinese make a year 4700 version of the race with more animals like a panda, one of though extinct river dolphins, an elephant, an aardvark, more birds like a hayabusa and ostrich. They could also import a cheetah and get a greyhound for the dog.

I remember watching a movie in school, where these kids were trying to save a cheetah, and for them to save it, the cheetah would have to win a race versus greyhounds. The story was fictional, but I would like the Chinese to recreate that scenario in real life.