Dating and Relationship Advice

No matter how much you mean it, never say to a girl that she smells like durian.

If you believe in fate, take a potential mate on a walk during a storm with a tall umbrella in an open field. Fate will handle it.

If you are drawing a picture of a potential mate who is female. The picture better be the best picture she has ever seen or the worst drawing as some form of irony. Also be sure her sense of humor recognizes irony.

On a first or second date with a girl who you think is only about a 30 percent or under on the potentialness scale, place a condom wrapper on the floor of your car. Notice how she responds.

Many woman do not like their feet being played with. Do not try to open her up to your foot fetish by rubbing your feet against her.

Hair somehow gets in the way of all forms of sex, but do not try to shave your mate if their hair is getting in the way. A wiser decision would be to suggest to your mate, to tie their hair in a 'pony' type tail or 'pig' type tails.

Unfortunately, Japanese women do not scream like they do in movies.

It is not ok to tell a girl to act like a character you have seen on; Nick Jr., Pbs Kids, Discovery Kids or the TV show Dinosaurs.

If together, when you and your mate are walking a dog, it is customary for the male to pick up the poop, but do not under any circumstance try to re-live the video you had seen yesterday; at least in public.

Many people find a Picasso painting beautiful. If you are one of those people, try to avoid telling your mate they look like one.

In the event of a car crash, it is considered good manners to offer water to your mate to remove the taste of vomit and gagging feeling from their mouth.

On the first few dates, it is suggested to speak naturally. Do not try to make yourself sound intelligent by using large words that seem out of place or dumb down your language to give yourself more street cred except when you are dating a girl from Tacoma. You will need to dumb down your the way you speak, a lot, or more fittingly, hella.

On a first date, never give the results of your latest HIV test to a potential mate no matter how go of an idea you think it is.

A negative pregnancy test may be good news for some, but do not to place it on the refrigerator, that would be unsanitary.

It annoys potential mates of foreign background when people hit on them by speaking of what little phrases of the potential mates language they know. Hitting on a person by saying, 'can you pass the mayonnaise?' will not go well.